19 Things Everyone Should Master by Age 40
(From Yahoo "Work & Money")
Well, no secret now that I turned 40's. I've learned a lot about life in general, have experienced the true beauty of human kindness as well as the bitterness of human injustice toward the human own races. From my personal life, my cycle of close colleagues and friends to the top leaders of my chain; I've learned that everyone has a lot to offer...Since I'm not a good writer and can't put my thoughts into words to inspire you, here's an article from Yahoo.com under the "Work & Money" section that you might have missed. It's for folks who turned 40's or will turn 40's someday.
1. How to Delegate
Make certain the people around you have good
values, good judgment, and are loyal. Allow them to impress you but be sure
they're comfortable coming to you for feedback. Most important, hire people
smarter than you!
--Ivanka Trump,
executive VP, Trump Organization; principal of Ivanka Trump fashion and
accessories lines
2. How to Comfort
Someone
We're a block from a hospital, so in my 31 years
here I've met many people who've just received bad news. If you see someone in
distress, don't hesitate to talk to them. Once you've heard their story,
sometimes all you have to say is "I'll be thinking of you." Your
words are more powerful than you think.
--Jimmy Vecere,
bartender at 12th Street Irish Pub, Philadelphia
3. How to Spot a
Good Opportunity
A lot of people ask me how I knew Mad Men or Breaking Bad would make great TV. I knew because when I read
those scripts, I felt something. I didn't do any market testing or focus
groups--I just asked myself, Would I want to watch this? When you're weighing
an opportunity, make the question that simple: "Do I really want this, or
am I doing it for the money or the prestige or because I think I should?"
It can't just be about those things. It has to make you feel good, too. And by
the way, if opportunities aren't knocking, you can make your own. When I was
looking for work several years ago, I took everyone I knew in New York, where
I'd just moved, to dinner or drinks or tea. I explained that I was open to
anything. Six months later, one of those dinner dates called about a possible
job at AMC. If I hadn't put myself out there, that never would have happened.
--Christina Wayne former
senior VP at AMC, current president of Cineflix Studios, and an executive
producer of the new BBC America series Copper
4. How to Make
Conversation at Parties
First, get a drink. If it's a cocktail, it'll
loosen you up, but even if it's just club soda, it's good to have a prop to
hold if you're feeling nervous. Next, approach someone--a person, not a
group--and ask how he or she knows the host. After that, be authentic and
interested and ask questions, and others will float over and join in. A good
host will have considered the mix of people, so when you arrive, ask, "Who
should I meet?" Most important: Even if you won't know anyone and you're
feeling intimidated, you must go. Do not stay home. So many people are afraid that no one will
talk to them and they'll leave feeling awful--but has that ever happened to
you? Me, neither. Usually I end up laughing and eating and drinking and making
friends, and that's what it's all about.
--Marjorie Gubelmann CEO
of Vie Luxe and society hostess extraordinaire
5. How to End a
Friendship
Be clear that you need distance, but avoid
getting into specifics. You might say, "I've realized I need to take a
break from our friendship. I have so much going on in my life right now, and I
need to take more time for myself." Now isn't the time to try to change
your friend or teach her a lesson. (If you believed you could see things the
same way, you wouldn't be breaking up in the first place.) Above all, be sure
you want to break up. It's unlikely you'll ever be able to return to the same
level of intimacy.
I don't often get to see or even talk to my
closest friends from various stages of life (including the 16 who were my
bridesmaids). But I stay connected with them--and the thousands of others in my
BlackBerry. The key is managing your friending: The more organized and
accessible your friends' information, the easier it is to stay in touch. So you
have to set calendar reminders for birthdays (I do it for anniversaries, too),
and keep your address book up-to-date. And when someone pops into your mind,
let them know, even if it's just with a "Thinking of you" text. Don't
let the moment pass; treat it as a reminder to reach out.
--Alexandra Wilkis
Wilson, cofounder of the five-million-member Gilt Groupe; keeper of 16,500
BlackBerry contacts
7. How to Not
Sweat the Small Stuff
The thing that's grand about spending your time
thinking about the universe is that it makes you feel insignificant. I don't
mean that in a bad way. If you understand that we've now discovered entire
solar systems that contain planets similar to Earth, and that those are just
the ones we know about, since most of the stars we've looked at are within
about 300 light-years of Earth and the distance to the center of our galaxy is
nearly 100 times that--then you realize that the laundry you've left undone and
the dumb thing you said yesterday are about as significant as slime mold.
--Alyssa Goodman,
professor of astronomy, Harvard-Smithsonian Center for Astrophysics
8. How Not to Embarrass Yourself at Karaoke
Warm up all day. Start by counting aloud when you wake. Later, laugh out loud; we
laugh higher than we talk, so you'll be activating your upper register.
Lubricate your voice, especially if you're nervous (stress can dry
out your vocal cords). Half an hour before you sing, eat a little bread soaked
in olive oil.
Breathe from your diaphragm. You'll generate the air you need to produce a
melodious tone. Inhale through your nose and push your belly button out. Exhale
and let your navel go back in.
Feel free to change
keys. Even the pros sing in a
lower register when their voice gets tired.
Sing with joy, from your
heart, and no one will care
how you sound.
9. How to Make New
Friends--at Any Age
I tell my patients, "Food, alcohol, and
drugs are no substitute for a relationship." If you're lonely, do
something about it. If you love the arts, take a course at your local community
college. And if you can't find a place to get involved, create one. Besides
seeing patients several times a week, I'm thinking about starting a group where
immigrants and refugees can talk about their feelings. It's important to be
part of a community!
--Hedda Bolgar,
103-year-old practicing psychoanalyst and cofounder of the Hedda Bolgar
Psychotherapy Clinic, in Los Angeles
10. How to Forgive Yourself
You have to find a way forward. You can say,
"I'm going to work to improve myself so I never hurt another person that
way." And then you need to atone, to make the lesson you learned mean
something. Do this, and you will be able to look in the mirror again.
--Jennifer Thompson,
rape victim whose testimony sent the wrong man to prison for ten years
11. How to Tell a
Secret
Find someone who revealed something similar and
survived, and talk to them about how they did it. No matter what your secret
is, someone out there shares it.
Make sure the first person you tell will accept
you and your secret--you don't want to take a risk right away.
Be short and sweet. All I had to say to get my point across was "Dad, I'm
gay."
--Randy Phillips, airman
and formerly anonymous video blogger who came out to his dad after the repeal
of Don't Ask, Don't Tell
12. Simple Ways to
Look Polished
Start with a great haircut, neat nails, and
well-shaped eyebrows (if eyes are the windows to the soul, eyebrows are the
frames). Invest in a tailor--and in a few no-fail items that will help you look
pulled together: a crisp white shirt, a pencil skirt, a great-fitting shift
dress (just add shoes and go!), a tissue-weight scarf, and the perfect jacket.
Whether it's a black blazer with a structured shoulder and nipped-in waist or a
little leather jacket that looks great over anything, the right jacket projects
confidence. And isn't that what polished really means?
--Adam Glassman, O
creative director
13. How to Let Go
of Anger
Anger is like a storm rising up from the bottom
of your consciousness. When you feel it coming, turn your focus to your breath.
Breathe in deeply to bring your mind home to your body. Then look at, or think
of, the person triggering this emotion: With mindfulness, you can see that she
is unhappy, that she is suffering. You can see her wrong perceptions. You can
see that she is not beautiful when she says things that are unkind. You can
also see that you don't want to be like her. You'll feel motivated by a desire
to say or do something nice--to help the other person suffer less. This means
compassionate energy has been born in your heart. And when compassion appears,
anger is deleted.
14. How to Say
Goodbye to a Loved One
First and most important: Meet the dying person
where she is. She may be in denial, and denial is a fabulous crutch. You don't
pull a crutch out from under somebody. Try to validate the feelings behind the
denial. So imagine your aunt says, "Let's reserve a house at the lake this
summer. I loved the weeks we used to spend there." You don't rush out to
make a reservation; you reminisce with her about those good times. She's living
in memories much kinder than her reality.
But let's say she tells you, "You know, I'm
not going to live much longer." The door's open. Be honest, direct. Tell
her you hate that this is happening. Tell her it mattered that she was here.
Tell her how she enriched your life, that she won't be forgotten. This is no
time to pussyfoot. For God's sake, don't tell her she looks great, or that
she'll pull through. Pretending creates a chasm of loneliness for the dying.
Can you imagine if you were in labor, and no one in the room would acknowledge
that you were giving birth?
Toward the end, dying people tend to withdraw.
You know how when you drop a pebble in a pond, the rings ripple out? For a
dying person, the rings go in. It doesn't matter what's happening in politics
or sports or the next room. Eventually all that matters is I'm hot. I'm
cold. I love you. Do you love me? At that point, all that's required is your presence. Be quiet. Put
your hands on hers. That's it.
--Maggie Callanan,
hospice nurse since 1981 and coauthor of the celebrated book Final Gifts
15. How to Know When to Quit
After my first book was
published in 2000, I spent two and a half years writing a novel. But it never
felt right. I didn't even name it--it was the poor, misshapen beast child I
kept hidden under my bed. Then I showed it to my agent. "None of the
things you do well are in evidence here," she said. I was devastated, then
relieved: I had failed, and now I could stop. If you don't feel a shiver of
excitement or fear, if there's no emotional risk involved, let it go. You can't
discount how hard it will be to leave your bad marriage or stop writing your
bad book, but if you're unhappy, nothing can get better as long as the status
quo stays the status quo.
16. How to Listen
Better
Start by doing
everything you can to fire up the "mirror neurons" in your brain,
which mimic what others are experiencing. You can subtly imitate the other
person's posture, even match the pace and depth of their breathing. Your words
can also mirror what the other person is telling you. For example, you might
say, "What I'm hearing is that it distresses you when your husband wears
his tiara in public" or "Wow, I can tell just from your voice that
you're under serious pressure." Don't add advice or commentary--just
reflect. If you simply must add something, ask the speaker to disconfirm what
you say. In other words, ask to be told where you're mistaken--and mean it.
"I'm thinking it's not so much that you're embarrassed as that you want a
tiara of your own--am I wrong about that?" Do not ask to be told that
you're right; it turns a listening ear into a bid for authority, and no one
will want to talk to you then.
Everything we
experience--no matter how unpleasant--comes into our lives to teach us something.
To move on from something difficult, look for the lesson. Start by asking
yourself: "If this is the way things are supposed to be, what can I learn
from it?" Think about how you may have contributed to the painful
experience, or if there was anything you could have done to prevent it. Often
we don't realize the lesson because we'd rather avoid reliving the pain. But
once you allow yourself to reflect on the sadness, anger, guilt, or shame
you've been hiding, those feelings will begin to subside. Yes, someone hurt
you. Once you've forgiven them and let go, you can move forward and begin
creating the life you desire.
18. How to Laugh at
Life
The tap water hits a
spoon in the sink and sprays you. You pull a window shade and it just keeps
going and going. You can't roll up a garden hose in any dignified way. You have
to become a connoisseur of these events-"Wow, look at that, that's
great." You have to hope that a higher power is saying, "That was a
good one!" And that you're sharing the divine pleasure it's taking in your
misfortune.
20. How to Have
More Fun Having Sex
Sex researchers have found that one of the
biggest turn-ons for women is feeling desired. So believing that you're
desirable is key. Choose a part of your body you admire. It might be your eyes,
your hair, the curve of your calves. Now focus on that part in your mind and
"see" it as your partner would see it. It may feel silly, but imagine
he's thinking, "Wow, I want her so bad." And remember: You don't have
to wait until you're in the mood. Sometimes you just need to get started and
the mood will follow.
