Today is 12/29/2014, I'd to share this VDO tribute with all of you in memory of Mrs. Gen. Vang Pao (May Song Vang), and Gen. Vang Pao. It starts at 20.01 min.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9s5DT5C8vwU

My Dear Sister...La Vang On Dec 8, 2010 I lost my dearest sister (Lab Vaj) at Ban Lao Ou, Theung Chiengrai, Thailand. She was my best friend, dearest sister and she has put up with me so much during my childhood. She fed me, took the pain and suffering for me throughout her life and I am so very sorry for not being able to do much for her while she was living. Everytime I think of her, I just feel so sad and wished that I could turn back time. I hope she is watching over me. I just miss her a lot. The amazing thing I want to share with you tonight is this - she was sick for many years and spent countless nights, daysmonths and years at the local and regional hospitals. On that particular month of Dec 2010, I visited her at the Theung Hospital, Chiengrai. When I got to the hospital, she was very sick, but suddenly opened her eyes and talked to me like nothing going on. I spent about 2 hours there. during my visit, I asked if there's anything I can do to help her out. She told me..."brother, nothing is more valuable or important as much as you are here visiting me. I have been waiting for you for a long time and thank you for the offering". She then said, "well, since you are here and came all the way from America, I think I can use a new refrigerator, a new electric rice cooker, a TV, a hot water boiler, a few bag of rices, clothes for my son and my poor husband". I told her that I'd purchase those and transport in my rental car to her house, which located nearby and would return next day to visit her early in the moring, and I did just that and a little more. I put all the staff in her house and spent a night there in Ban Lao Ou. Next day, I returned to visit her again and spent about half a day with her. It was a filthy hospital, but the nurse treated her well she said. She is a well known patient there. I then left to Phu Chifa, then back to Chiangmai, then to Bangkok ready to return home to USA. For some reason, I had 12 days left on my trip and I just wanted to return home and felt like I couldn't do anything right. I tried to check with the airlines for a return flight home twice in two days...and no return flight for me. On my 3rd day in Bangkok waiting for a flight to return home, I received a phone call from my relative and it was a difficult one. He told me my sister La Vang just passed away and my return to prepare for her funeral was requested. I asked him what happened --- why she suddenly passed away? He told me that after I left, she spent another two nights at the hospital and suddently felt well and she amazed the doctors and nurses there; and they released her from the hospital. She got home and found the stuff that I bought her and was very happy. However, that very night, she suddently became ill and very ill and didn't make back to the hospital and passed away in her own home. I returned to Chiengrai airport next day, and prepared her funeral (a Christian funeral) because she had joined a church there and accepted God as her savior. I honored her choice of religion and the funeral was done cooperatively with her Pastor and the church as well as my relatives there. I helped dig her grave and positioned her body according to our belief. This picture was taken right after she was burried. Please ...don't wait to show your love ones...every second, minute is counted. I miss her. The amazing thing I wasn to share with you tonight is this - she was sick for many years and spent countless nights, daysmonths and years at the local and regional hospitals. On that particular month of Dec 2010, I visited her at the Theung Hospital, Chiengrai. When I got to the hospital, she was very sick, but suddenly opened her eyes and talked to me like nothing going on. I spent about 2 hours there. during my visit, I asked if there's anything I can do to help her out. She told me..."brother, nothing is more valuable or important as much as you are here visiting me. I have been waiting for you for a long time and thank you for the offering". She then said, "well, since you are here and came all the way from America, I think I can use a new refrigerator, a new electric rice cooker, a TV, a hot water boiler, a few bag of rices, clothes for my son and my poor husband". I told her that I'd purchase those and transport in my rental car to her house, which located nearby and would return next day to visit her early in the moring, and I did just that and a little more. I put all the staff in her house and spent a night there in Ban Lao Ou. Next day, I returned to visit her again and spent about half a day with her. It was a filthy hospital, but the nurse treated her well she said. She is a well known patient there. I then left to Phu Chifa, then back to Chiangmai, then to Bangkok ready to return home to USA. For some reason, I had 12 days left on my trip and I just wanted to return home and felt like I couldn't do anything right. I tried to check with the airlines for a return flight home twice in two days...and no return flight for me. On my 3rd day in Bangkok waiting for a flight to return home, I received a phone call from my relative and it was a difficult one. He told me my sister La Vang just passed away and my return to prepare for her funeral was requested. I asked him what happened --- why she suddenly passed away? He told me that after I left, she spent another two nights at the hospital and suddently felt well and she amazed the doctors and nurses there; and they released her from the hospital. She got home and found the stuff that I bought her and was very happy. However, that very night, she suddently became ill and very ill and didn't make back to the hospital and passed away in her own home. I returned to Chiengrai airport next day, and prepared her funeral (a Christian funeral) because she had joined a church there and accepted God as her savior. I honored her choice of religion and the funeral was done cooperatively with her Pastor and the church as well as my relatives there. I helped dig her grave and positioned her body according to our belief. This picture was taken right after she was burried. Please ...don't wait to show your love ones...every second, minute is counted. I miss her.

On this special birthday of the late Hmong Leader, Gen. Vang Pao, please take a few minutes of your time to read this special peom in honoring the great General Vang Pao (GVP), the
- Grand Officer of the Order of the Million Elephants and the White Parasol.
- Commander of the US Legion of Merit
- Knight of the French Legion d'Honneur
- Grand Officer of the Thai Order of the White Elephant
- Medal for Combatants from King Sisavang Vong
- Medal of the Reign of King Sisavang Vatthana
- French Croix de la Guerre des Operations Exterieures, four bronze stars and 1 bronze palm
- French Foreign Legion Indochina Vietnam Colonial Medal
- French Foreign Legion Indochina Campaign Dien Bien Phu

HERE'S A HMONG PEOM DEDICATE TO GENERAL VANG PAO SIR...

Yawg Hlob Nai Phoo Vaj Pov

Ntuj nis peb yawg hlob Vaj Pov…
Thaum peb hnov txog koj tsab xo
Tias koj tso peb haiv hmoob tseg
Siab dhua rhe npaum li xob tua
Lub kua muag ntws los tshaj dej

Koj puas paub tias peb nco koj
Tsis xav noj thiab tsis xav haus
Xyov yuav xaus lub neej li cas
Nco koj tas npaum li no nas

Tej mi hav nroj ntsuag ntsuab xiab
Ua peb siab nyob kho siab khuav
Peb tseem tuav koj txoj kev hlub
Tsis tau pub nws ploj mus li

Ntuj os me yawg hlob Vaj Pov
Koj puas hnov txog peb lub suab
Thaum ntuj nqhuab thiab tshav ntuj nrig
Koj tus plig nws puas paub txog
Hais tias yog peb seev txog koj
Nco tsis ploj hauv peb nruab siab
Tag ib txhiab thiab tag ibtxhis
Peb yuav tsis hnov qab koj li

Thov koj tig txoj kev tshua rov
Tig los hnov lub suab seev cuag
Koj cov ntsuag nyob rau tom qab
Hnov suab sab txog koj thaum twg
Txawm yuav pw los tsis tsis tsaug zog
Tsuas yog zaum tsheej pab pawg quaj
Vim yog nco txog tej kev hlub
Niaj hnub qhub txog tej txiaj ntsim
Uas koj tsim cia rau haiv neeg
Es yuav seev koj txog tav twg
Li lub lwg mam li peem tsheej
Ua lub neej Hmoob li yav dhau los

Ntuj nis peb hlob Nai Phoo
Thov koj tso koj tej koob hmoo
Tej kev zoo rau peb haiv Hmoob
Kom peb Hmoob tsuas muaj loj hlob
Zoo li tsob ntoo loj zuj zus
Zoo li dej ntws tsis txawj tu
Kom lub plhu nyob tshiab li khi
Nyob luag ntxhi thiab tsis muaj mob
Ruaj npaum cob thiab loj npaum roob
Kom haiv Hmoob muaj zoo lawm xwb.

Tab sis peb yawg hlob Vaj Pov,
Zaum no koj tso tag haiv neeg
Nyob ua neeg lub siab khoob lug
Txij koj nrug dua ntawm peb lawm
Lub sijhawm zoo li raug nres
Txawm daus te yuav pauv tsawg tom
Los tseem pom koj lub ntsej muag
Pom tseeb cuag li yog nag hmo
Thaum koj nrog peb nyob luag ntxhi

Los kua muag nws yeej tseem nrog
Vim xav txog tus neeg peb hlub
Thov koj pub ib lub sijhawm
Es yog txawm yog hauv npau suav
Los peb yuav zoo siab tos txais
Tsuav tau hais qhia tau ib lo
Tias peb nco koj npaum li cas
Xav piav tas peb txoj kev hlub
Tawm hauv peb lub siab Hmoob ntsuag
Xav kom tuav tau koj txhais tes
Thiab nyob ze li thaum yav tas
Ntawm koj npab hauv koj xub ntiag
Txawm ib pliag xwb los yeej kam
Tsuav tau tham txog txoj kev nco
Tshe ntau hmo yuav piav tsis tas

Tabsis mas peb yeej paub lawm
Tias sijhawm tig tsis tau rov
Tus uas hnov kuv tej lus hais
Ces qhov rais qhov rooj lub tog
Thiaj li yog tus uas paub tshaj
Hauv lub txaj peb tej hauv ncoo
Lawv paub zoo peb kev mob siab
Kuamuag iab ntxaum lawv txhua hmo
Txoj kev nco lawv thiaj piav tau
Tias nco dhau nws zoo li cas
Yog piav mas ntshe lub qhov rais
Nws yuav hais qhia rau koj tias
Peb yeej ntsia txoj me hauv kev
Ntsia los ntev yog nws txawj yaig
Tshe twb yaig ua roob ua hav

Xav tias tas txoj kev cia siab
Tsis nco thiab tsis tos koj lawm
Los thaum tawm rooj plaws pom luag
Muaj tus coj thiab muaj tus qhia
Peb lub siab nco koj dua ntxiv
Peb leej txiv koj txoj kev hlub
Zoo li hnub yuav yuav tig ua hmo
Mam tsis nco thiab hnov qab hais
Thiaj tau txais txoj kev zoo siab

Tawm xyoo tshiab thiab xaus xyoolaus
Pes tsawg zaus los peb nco koj
Txoj kev nco tseem nyob li qub
Tseem niaj hnub xav txog koj xwb
Yog koj rov tsis tau tiam no
Lwm tiam ho puas yuav rov dua
Lub vaj huam sib luag puas yuav muaj lawm
Tshe tias txawm pes tsawg tiam los
peb yuav tos koj xwb ib leeg
Nyob ua neeg yog tsis muaj koj
Ces peb yeej tsis paub yuav nyob li lawm os peb yawg hlob Nai Phoon Vaj Pov….

(C)tedvang/Hmong Report/Crossing TV 2014

Ted Vang

about an hour ago

HMONG REPORT AT 7 - UPDATE ABOUT MRS. VANG PAO (NIAM NTXHOO) - A funeral for Mrs. Vang Pao (May Song Vang) has been decided and it will be held inside the the Big Fresno Fairground in Fresno, California on Aug. 23, 24, 25, 26. The funeral is open to the public for viewiewing. The detail of her funeral is being planned at this very moment, and we'll update you as it becomes available.

THE BIG FRESNO FAIRGROUNDS
1121 S. Chance Avenue
Fresno, CA 93702

This is going to be a 24 Hrs. Funeral Service from Friday, Aug. 23- Monday, Aug. 26, 2013.

Open Friday, Aug. 23 (8:00 AM)
Traditional Funeral Ceremony

Monday, Aug. 26, 2013 (Hnub Sam Sab/Tsham Sab)
Final Traditional Funeral Ceremony (Sam Sab)
Final Resting (interment) 6:00am

Sacramento, California (Hmong Report At 7) – May Song Vang, the wife of the late General Vang Pao, the leader of the Hmong community in the United States, has died. She passed away last night Monday, Aught 5 at 10:30pm at UC Irvine Medical Center in Santa Ana, California. She passed away from an old illness “cancer”. She was 62 years old.

Today, the Hmong community throughout United States and the world is deeply saddened by the loss of Mrs. Gen. Vang Pao, who was a hero to Hmong women and the Hmong community all across the country. She was the voice and an iconic figure for Hmong after Gen. Vang Pao passed away in early 2011. 

PHAYA NORAPAMOK GENERAL 

VANG PAO 1929-2011

Yawg Hlob Nai Phoo Vaj Pov

Grand Officer of the Order of the Million Elephants and the White Parasol.

Commander of the US Legion of Merit

Knight of the French Legion d'Honneur

Grand Officer of the Thai Order of the White Elephant

Medal for Combatants from King Sisavang Vong

Medal of the Reign of King Sisavang Vatthana

French Croix de la Guerre des Operations Exterieures, four bronze stars and 1 bronze palm

French Foreign Legion Indochina Vietnam Colonial Medal

French Foreign Legion Indochina Campaign Dien Bien Phu

In honoring the Honorable Phaya Norapamok General Vang Pao on this day of January 6th (the day he passed away in Clovis on Jan 6, 2011), here's a special poem for your pleasure reading. I hope you read Hmong or find a Hmong friend to read it for you.  Why honoring him you may ask? Because he is the father of the Hmong People. His extraordinary journey changed the destiny of the Hmong People in including me. I would be sitting here blogging to you without this great man. Hmong will forever remember him for many reasons, but one thing for sure is his undeniable love for his people. AND, here's the poem goes: 

Ntuj nis peb yawg hlob Vaj Pov…

Thaum peb hnov txog koj tsab xo

Tias koj tso peb haiv hmoob tseg

Siab dhua rhe npaum li xob tua

Lub kua muag ntws los tshaj dej

Koj puas paub tias peb nco koj

Tsis xav noj thiab tsis xav haus

Xyov yuav xaus lub neej li cas

Nco koj tas npaum li no nas

Tej mi hav nroj ntsuag ntsuab xiab

Ua peb siab nyob kho siab khuav

Peb tseem tuav koj txoj kev hlub

Tsis tau pub nws ploj mus li

Ntuj os me yawg hlob Vaj Pov

Koj puas hnov txog peb lub suab

Thaum ntuj nqhuab thiab tshav ntuj nrig

Koj tus plig nws puas paub txog

Hais tias yog peb seev txog koj

Nco tsis ploj hauv peb nruab siab

Tag ib txhiab thiab tag ibtxhis

Peb yuav tsis hnov qab koj li

Thov koj tig txoj kev tshua rov

Tig los hnov lub suab seev cuag

Koj cov ntsuag nyob rau tom qab

Hnov suab sab txog koj thaum twg

Txawm yuav pw los tsis tsis tsaug zog

Tsuas yog zaum tsheej pab pawg quaj

Vim yog nco txog tej kev hlub

Niaj hnub qhub txog tej txiaj ntsim

Uas koj tsim cia rau haiv neeg

Es yuav seev koj txog tav twg  

Li lub lwg mam li peem tsheej

Ua lub neej Hmoob li yav dhau los

Ntuj nis peb hlob Nai Phoo

Thov koj tso koj tej koob hmoo

Tej kev zoo rau peb haiv Hmoob

Kom peb Hmoob tsuas muaj loj hlob

Zoo li tsob ntoo loj zuj zus

Zoo li dej ntws tsis txawj tu

Kom lub plhu nyob tshiab li khi

Nyob luang ntxhi thiab tsis muaj mob

Ruaj npaum cob thiab loj npaum roob

Kom haiv Hmoob muaj zoo lawm xwb.

Tab sis peb yawg hlob Vaj Pov,

Zaum no koj tso tag haiv neeg

Nyob ua neeg lub siab khoob lug

Txij koj nrug dua ntawm peb lawm

Lub sijhawm zoo li raug nres

Txawm daus te yuav pauv tsawg tom

Los tseem pom koj lub ntsej muag

Pom tseeb cuag li yog nag hmo

Thaum koj nrog peb nyob luag ntxhi

Los kuamuag nws yeej tseem nrog

Vim xav txog tus neeg peb hlub

Thov koj pub ib lub sijhawm

Es yog txawm yog hauv npau suav

Los peb yuav zoo siab tos txais

Tsuav tau hais qhia tau ib lo

Tias peb nco koj npaum li cas

Xav piav tas peb txoj kev hlub

Tawm hauv lub siab Hmoob ntsuag

Xav kom tuav tau koj txhais tes

Thiab nyob ze li thaum yav tas

Ntawm koj npab hauv koj xub ntiag

Txawm ib pliag xwb los yeej kam

Tsuav tau tham txog txoj kev nco

Tshe ntau hmo yuav piav tsis tas

Tabsis mas peb yeej paub lawm

Tias sijhawm tig tsis tau rov

Tus uas hnov kuv tej lus hais

Ces qhov rais qhov rooj lub tog

Thiaj li yog tus uas paub tshaj

Hauv lub txaj peb tej hauv ncoo

Lawv paub zoo peb kev mob siab

Kuamuag iab ntxaum lawv txhua hmo

Txoj kev nco lawv thiaj piav tau

Tias nco dhau nws zoo li cas

Yog piav mas ntshe lub qhov rais

Nws yuav hais qhia rau koj tias

Peb yeej ntsia txoj me hauv kev

Ntsia los ntev yog nws txawj yaig

Tshe twb yaig ua roob ua hav

Xav tias tas txoj kev cia siab

Tsis nco thiab tsis tos koj lawm

Los thaum tawm rooj plaws pom luag

Muaj tus coj thiab muaj us qhia

Peb lub siab nco koj dua ntxiv

Peb leej txiv koj koj txoj kev hlub

Zoo li hnub yuav yuav tig ua hmo

Yuav cas nco koj txog ntua

Thiaj yuav tsis nco tsis nco qab hais

Thiaj tau txais txoj kev zoo siab

Tawm xyoo tshiab thiab xaus xyoolaus

Tsaw xaus los peb nco koj

Txoj kev nco tseem nyob li qub

Tseem niaj hnub xav txog koj xwb

Yog koj rov tsis tau tiam no

Lwm tiam ho puas yuav rov dua

Lub vam huam sib luag puas yuav muaj lawm

Tshe tias txawm pes tsawg tiam los

peb yuav tos koj xwb ib leeg

Nyob ua neeg yog tsis muaj koj

Ces peb yeej tsis paub yuav nyob ua ntsuag li lawm peb yawg hlob Nai Phoon Vaj Pov….

19 Things Everyone Should Master by Age 40

(From Yahoo "Work & Money")

Well, no secret now that I turned 40's. I've learned a lot about life in general, have experienced the true beauty of human kindness as well as the bitterness of human injustice toward the human own races. From my personal life, my cycle of close colleagues and friends to the top leaders of my chain; I've learned that everyone has a lot to offer...Since I'm not a good writer and can't put my thoughts into words to inspire you, here's an article from Yahoo.com under the "Work & Money" section that you might have missed. It's for folks who turned 40's or will turn 40's someday. 

1. How to Delegate

Make certain the people around you have good values, good judgment, and are loyal. Allow them to impress you but be sure they're comfortable coming to you for feedback. Most important, hire people smarter than you!

--Ivanka Trump, executive VP, Trump Organization; principal of Ivanka Trump fashion and accessories lines

2. How to Comfort Someone

We're a block from a hospital, so in my 31 years here I've met many people who've just received bad news. If you see someone in distress, don't hesitate to talk to them. Once you've heard their story, sometimes all you have to say is "I'll be thinking of you." Your words are more powerful than you think.

--Jimmy Vecere, bartender at 12th Street Irish Pub, Philadelphia 

3. How to Spot a Good Opportunity 

A lot of people ask me how I knew Mad Men or Breaking Bad would make great TV. I knew because when I read those scripts, I felt something. I didn't do any market testing or focus groups--I just asked myself, Would I want to watch this? When you're weighing an opportunity, make the question that simple: "Do I really want this, or am I doing it for the money or the prestige or because I think I should?" It can't just be about those things. It has to make you feel good, too. And by the way, if opportunities aren't knocking, you can make your own. When I was looking for work several years ago, I took everyone I knew in New York, where I'd just moved, to dinner or drinks or tea. I explained that I was open to anything. Six months later, one of those dinner dates called about a possible job at AMC. If I hadn't put myself out there, that never would have happened.

--Christina Wayne former senior VP at AMC, current president of Cineflix Studios, and an executive producer of the new BBC America series Copper

4. How to Make Conversation at Parties 

First, get a drink. If it's a cocktail, it'll loosen you up, but even if it's just club soda, it's good to have a prop to hold if you're feeling nervous. Next, approach someone--a person, not a group--and ask how he or she knows the host. After that, be authentic and interested and ask questions, and others will float over and join in. A good host will have considered the mix of people, so when you arrive, ask, "Who should I meet?" Most important: Even if you won't know anyone and you're feeling intimidated, you must go. Do not stay home. So many people are afraid that no one will talk to them and they'll leave feeling awful--but has that ever happened to you? Me, neither. Usually I end up laughing and eating and drinking and making friends, and that's what it's all about.

--Marjorie Gubelmann CEO of Vie Luxe and society hostess extraordinaire 

5. How to End a Friendship 

Be clear that you need distance, but avoid getting into specifics. You might say, "I've realized I need to take a break from our friendship. I have so much going on in my life right now, and I need to take more time for myself." Now isn't the time to try to change your friend or teach her a lesson. (If you believed you could see things the same way, you wouldn't be breaking up in the first place.) Above all, be sure you want to break up. It's unlikely you'll ever be able to return to the same level of intimacy.

--Irene S. Levine, PHD, author of Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup with Your Best Friend 

6. How to Stay in Touch

I don't often get to see or even talk to my closest friends from various stages of life (including the 16 who were my bridesmaids). But I stay connected with them--and the thousands of others in my BlackBerry. The key is managing your friending: The more organized and accessible your friends' information, the easier it is to stay in touch. So you have to set calendar reminders for birthdays (I do it for anniversaries, too), and keep your address book up-to-date. And when someone pops into your mind, let them know, even if it's just with a "Thinking of you" text. Don't let the moment pass; treat it as a reminder to reach out.

--Alexandra Wilkis Wilson, cofounder of the five-million-member Gilt Groupe; keeper of 16,500 BlackBerry contacts

7. How to Not Sweat the Small Stuff 

The thing that's grand about spending your time thinking about the universe is that it makes you feel insignificant. I don't mean that in a bad way. If you understand that we've now discovered entire solar systems that contain planets similar to Earth, and that those are just the ones we know about, since most of the stars we've looked at are within about 300 light-years of Earth and the distance to the center of our galaxy is nearly 100 times that--then you realize that the laundry you've left undone and the dumb thing you said yesterday are about as significant as slime mold.

--Alyssa Goodman, professor of astronomy, Harvard-Smithsonian Center for Astrophysics

8. How Not to Embarrass Yourself at Karaoke 
Warm up all day. Start by counting aloud when you wake. Later, laugh out loud; we laugh higher than we talk, so you'll be activating your upper register.

Lubricate your voice, especially if you're nervous (stress can dry out your vocal cords). Half an hour before you sing, eat a little bread soaked in olive oil.

Breathe from your diaphragm. You'll generate the air you need to produce a melodious tone. Inhale through your nose and push your belly button out. Exhale and let your navel go back in.

Feel free to change keys. Even the pros sing in a lower register when their voice gets tired.

Sing with joy, from your heart, and no one will care how you sound.

--Debra Byrd, vocal coach for The Voice and vocal producer for The Next: Fame Is at Your Doorstep

9. How to Make New Friends--at Any Age 

I tell my patients, "Food, alcohol, and drugs are no substitute for a relationship." If you're lonely, do something about it. If you love the arts, take a course at your local community college. And if you can't find a place to get involved, create one. Besides seeing patients several times a week, I'm thinking about starting a group where immigrants and refugees can talk about their feelings. It's important to be part of a community!

--Hedda Bolgar, 103-year-old practicing psychoanalyst and cofounder of the Hedda Bolgar Psychotherapy Clinic, in Los Angeles

10. How to Forgive Yourself 

You have to find a way forward. You can say, "I'm going to work to improve myself so I never hurt another person that way." And then you need to atone, to make the lesson you learned mean something. Do this, and you will be able to look in the mirror again.

--Jennifer Thompson, rape victim whose testimony sent the wrong man to prison for ten years

11. How to Tell a Secret 

Find someone who revealed something similar and survived, and talk to them about how they did it. No matter what your secret is, someone out there shares it.

Make sure the first person you tell will accept you and your secret--you don't want to take a risk right away. 

Be short and sweet. All I had to say to get my point across was "Dad, I'm gay."

--Randy Phillips, airman and formerly anonymous video blogger who came out to his dad after the repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell 

12. Simple Ways to Look Polished

Start with a great haircut, neat nails, and well-shaped eyebrows (if eyes are the windows to the soul, eyebrows are the frames). Invest in a tailor--and in a few no-fail items that will help you look pulled together: a crisp white shirt, a pencil skirt, a great-fitting shift dress (just add shoes and go!), a tissue-weight scarf, and the perfect jacket. Whether it's a black blazer with a structured shoulder and nipped-in waist or a little leather jacket that looks great over anything, the right jacket projects confidence. And isn't that what polished really means?

--Adam Glassman, O creative director 

13. How to Let Go of Anger

Anger is like a storm rising up from the bottom of your consciousness. When you feel it coming, turn your focus to your breath. Breathe in deeply to bring your mind home to your body. Then look at, or think of, the person triggering this emotion: With mindfulness, you can see that she is unhappy, that she is suffering. You can see her wrong perceptions. You can see that she is not beautiful when she says things that are unkind. You can also see that you don't want to be like her. You'll feel motivated by a desire to say or do something nice--to help the other person suffer less. This means compassionate energy has been born in your heart. And when compassion appears, anger is deleted.

--Thich Nhat Hanh, Buddhist monk and author of Anger: Wisdom for Cooling the Flames

14. How to Say Goodbye to a Loved One 

First and most important: Meet the dying person where she is. She may be in denial, and denial is a fabulous crutch. You don't pull a crutch out from under somebody. Try to validate the feelings behind the denial. So imagine your aunt says, "Let's reserve a house at the lake this summer. I loved the weeks we used to spend there." You don't rush out to make a reservation; you reminisce with her about those good times. She's living in memories much kinder than her reality.

But let's say she tells you, "You know, I'm not going to live much longer." The door's open. Be honest, direct. Tell her you hate that this is happening. Tell her it mattered that she was here. Tell her how she enriched your life, that she won't be forgotten. This is no time to pussyfoot. For God's sake, don't tell her she looks great, or that she'll pull through. Pretending creates a chasm of loneliness for the dying. Can you imagine if you were in labor, and no one in the room would acknowledge that you were giving birth?

Toward the end, dying people tend to withdraw. You know how when you drop a pebble in a pond, the rings ripple out? For a dying person, the rings go in. It doesn't matter what's happening in politics or sports or the next room. Eventually all that matters is I'm hot. I'm cold. I love you. Do you love me? At that point, all that's required is your presence. Be quiet. Put your hands on hers. That's it.

--Maggie Callanan, hospice nurse since 1981 and coauthor of the celebrated book Final Gifts

15. How to Know When to Quit

After my first book was published in 2000, I spent two and a half years writing a novel. But it never felt right. I didn't even name it--it was the poor, misshapen beast child I kept hidden under my bed. Then I showed it to my agent. "None of the things you do well are in evidence here," she said. I was devastated, then relieved: I had failed, and now I could stop. If you don't feel a shiver of excitement or fear, if there's no emotional risk involved, let it go. You can't discount how hard it will be to leave your bad marriage or stop writing your bad book, but if you're unhappy, nothing can get better as long as the status quo stays the status quo. 

--Elissa Schappell, author of Blueprints for Building Better Girls

16. How to Listen Better

Start by doing everything you can to fire up the "mirror neurons" in your brain, which mimic what others are experiencing. You can subtly imitate the other person's posture, even match the pace and depth of their breathing. Your words can also mirror what the other person is telling you. For example, you might say, "What I'm hearing is that it distresses you when your husband wears his tiara in public" or "Wow, I can tell just from your voice that you're under serious pressure." Don't add advice or commentary--just reflect. If you simply must add something, ask the speaker to disconfirm what you say. In other words, ask to be told where you're mistaken--and mean it. "I'm thinking it's not so much that you're embarrassed as that you want a tiara of your own--am I wrong about that?" Do not ask to be told that you're right; it turns a listening ear into a bid for authority, and no one will want to talk to you then. 

--Martha Beck, O's resident life coach and author of Finding Your Way in a Wild New World

RELATED: 5 Big Fat Beauty Lies 

17. How to Get Past Emotional Pain

Everything we experience--no matter how unpleasant--comes into our lives to teach us something. To move on from something difficult, look for the lesson. Start by asking yourself: "If this is the way things are supposed to be, what can I learn from it?" Think about how you may have contributed to the painful experience, or if there was anything you could have done to prevent it. Often we don't realize the lesson because we'd rather avoid reliving the pain. But once you allow yourself to reflect on the sadness, anger, guilt, or shame you've been hiding, those feelings will begin to subside. Yes, someone hurt you. Once you've forgiven them and let go, you can move forward and begin creating the life you desire.

18. How to Laugh at Life 

The tap water hits a spoon in the sink and sprays you. You pull a window shade and it just keeps going and going. You can't roll up a garden hose in any dignified way. You have to become a connoisseur of these events-"Wow, look at that, that's great." You have to hope that a higher power is saying, "That was a good one!" And that you're sharing the divine pleasure it's taking in your misfortune.

20. How to Have More Fun Having Sex 

Sex researchers have found that one of the biggest turn-ons for women is feeling desired. So believing that you're desirable is key. Choose a part of your body you admire. It might be your eyes, your hair, the curve of your calves. Now focus on that part in your mind and "see" it as your partner would see it. It may feel silly, but imagine he's thinking, "Wow, I want her so bad." And remember: You don't have to wait until you're in the mood. Sometimes you just need to get started and the mood will follow.

--Gail Saltz, MD, author of The Ripple Effect: How Better Sex Can Lead to a Better Life